When the Poles Crash

The Comedown

Darkness don’t catch me, I don’t want to be found. Risk, just let me feel you. You make me pretty. You make me fun. You make me happy. You make me powerful. You prove to me that I can do anything. Risk, here we are at the party in the basement. At the motel, next to the trailer park. Ping-ponging in the walls of my brain. Risk, how long will you stay? Wait, risk, did you leave? Why so fast? I wasn’t ready. We still have so much more to do. I’m fucking pissed. You make me so happy. Now I feel the dread. It’s coming. Risk, I want you back. Please come back. Your replacements are here. They come over my left shoulder like black smoke. They lower around me. They do not rise like smoke does. They make me lay with them. They carry my pain that you make me forget. They wrap me in it. They keep me away from you, risk. They tell me how bad you are. I believe them. I thank them. I hate you risk, they’ve shown me how I hate you and myself when you’re with me. So I live in their deep darkness. I do nothing to get out from under them because nothing feels worth it. I slow down. Risk, I’ve lost you’re frenetic pace. I start to thrive in the nothingness of their space — their pace and their safety. They give me all the darkness they’ve got. I’m good in here. Until I’m not. Just like that. Please come in risk. I see you busting through the cloud. You tell me how the fucking smoke and darkness carries lies. You shift the balance. I need you risk. Yes! Come in, please let’s start again. Save me. Make me move. Where can we go? What can we do? Keep me out of the darkness. For now you’re my friend again. It all happens so fast. I don’t understand it. But you risk, are the reward again. It’s your turn to protect me.

So let’s go back around.

Published by carolineclaramie

I am a 43 year old mom of three. I have been raising my kids by myself for nearly 10 years. They are and always will be my first priority, but this blog is about me. And you. My goal is to share to heal myself and in that process I hope to help others do the same.

One thought on “When the Poles Crash

  1. You’ve taken your work to a whole new level. This is complex, mysterious, engrossing. It’s like a kaleidoscope; every time I read it, it changes colors and patterns and gives new insights as well as puzzles to think about. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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